I was sitting in my regular warm and cozy spot at my Grandma & Grandpa’s house one day, chatting with Grandma about time. How it seemed I didn’t have enough hours in a day anymore. How I don’t visit them (or my other Grandpa) as much as I want. How I remember time dragging on when I was a child, only to find out as I grow older that time is slipping by faster than I can comprehend. Grandma sat and listened as I vented, as she always does, and finally she said in her sweet voice, “Wait until you’re our age”. That phrase has hit me to my core since the day she spoke them to me. Time is never going to slow down. It is only going to speed up and it seems like the more I dig my nails in and try to stop it, the more it pulls away from me, and faster than it did the day before. This is hitting me very hard lately as my Grandpa’s Dementia is moving into Alzheimer’s faster than I want it to. I knew it was coming, but some how I thought “they’ll find a cure before it hits him” or “it won’t happen that way to him. It can’t. He’s too strong”. Now as I see Grandpa, he’s not quite the same as he always has been. He’s still the kind, soft person I’ve always known, but he’s different now. He’s quiet. He seems so frail. It doesn’t seem like there is enough time left with him and my heart drops to the bottom of my stomach when I think about it. That feeling of dread and regret, I hate.
I guess this post is a little bit of an outlet to put my frustration into. My frustration at Alzheimer’s & Time both. Why won’t they both just SLOW DOWN? I want more time with my family than I have been giving them. You only get one chance at life this go-round, and I want that life to be something I’m proud of. Something I don’t look back on and say “I should have spent more time with/doing __________”.
In thinking about how I’m going to keep a better life balance for 2012, I sat down and started making a list of goals. Not only for my growing business, but for my life! I’ve got a lot of changes coming in 2012 🙂 I’m so excited to get them implemented. They will not only sweeten my life, but they will sweeten the lives of my clients as well! For 2012 I want to concentrate more on my relationships and client experience. I want your sessions & experiences with me to be unforgettable! No more of this toss ’em a disk and slap ’em on the ass on the way out the door with a “Good Luck”, and send ’em on their merry way (Ok, I don’t really slap my clients on the ass, that was a bit of an exaggeration). But I spend a lot of time & put a lot of my soul into these images, and I think the value of those images have been lost in that sort of transaction (not only in the Basin, but in the Photo Industry as a whole), and we only have ourselves to blame. That sort of transaction has become “the norm” in the industry and has somewhat even become expected by clients, which saddens me. Photography is no longer looked at as the art for it is. It’s now looked at as a hobby that 10 of your friends from High School have started doing in the last 2 years (myself included in that pot). But I don’t want to be that “friend”. I don’t want to be that “photographer”. I want to excel my work back to that art form that it was viewed as by everyone 10+ years ago. The art form that you looked forward to spoiling yourself (and your family) with all year long, and cherished the outcome of for years thereafter. I’m so excited to share this exciting time & some amazing experiences with my clients in 2012! I love you all for being so amazingly supportive of my journey & being my sounding board here on the blog. I love you all!